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US Postal Service… meh 15 September 2007, Saturday

Posted by J. in Uncategorized.

So, when I lived in California and Maryland, I relied almost exclusively on the US Postal Service for my Mailing and Shipping NeedsTM. They were fast, reliable, and courteous. Oh, did I mention timely, dependable, and… fast?

Oh, and those Needs were Quite Rigorous Indeed. I could wallpaper a house (two storey, with an unfinished basement, wink wink nudge nudge) with those silly delivery tracking slips they gave me.

Problem is, now that I’ve moved to what is apparently the Great Wasteland and God-Forsaken Boondock of All Boondocks in the Beautiful But Abandoned Heartland of America Where There Exists Only One Goddamn Postal Sorting Person and He Apparently Has Only One Leg and One Hand, Upon Which Two Fingers Were Shot Off In The First World War, the postal service has gone to All Types of Unimpeachably Righteous Shite.

In a handbasket.

With pink ribbon, natch.

Let me present for the prosecutor’s exhibit:

  • Today I received a letter sent First Class from Maryland to Champaign. Nine (9) days in transit.
  • Last week it was a small padded envelope sent First Class from New York to Champaign. Seven (7) days in transit.
  • The best, of course, was the box sent Priority Mail (“Usually 2-3 days!”) from Maryland to Champaign? Twenty-three (23) days in transit. HELLO!! THERE’S A DASH!! TWO TO THREE DAYS, NOT TWENTY THREE…sigh. Nevermind… His hearing aid’s fallen out again, mum.

This is about as bad as UPS. Hell, when I was on either coast, First Class from the other coast (“Yes, Ma’am, clear across the motherfucking U.S. of A! And you’re gonna LIKE it! Hooah!”) took 4-5 days.

My goodness.

Where am I, Toto? Fucking Antarctica?

If so, I’m going to sue.

I want my penguins, Daddy!



1. bleu - 17 September 2007, Monday

Shall we wallpaper the house mate?

P’haps we could post those tracking slips by colour gradient.


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